what if my partner doesn’t know how to support me during birth?
Most Dads are very eager to be the primary support for their partner during birth, and oftentimes the ones who aren’t are simply afraid of doing something wrong.
If your partner is unsure of how to help you, or if you are concerned about their ability to know what to do, here are some suggestions.
Birth Education is a must. Dads need to have some kind of idea of what to expect, especially when they’ve never done it before. (See more info about my childbirth education classes here). Create your birth plan together (use my free Birth Plan Checklist), and go over all the options so that everyone is on the same page.
Hire a doula. Doulas work for both parents, and the goal is to support you both. That means that your partner can be the primary support, and the doula can help with tips and tricks and suggestions. Sometimes it’s as simple as “Here’s how to do counter pressure,” but more often than not, I nudge a Dad and just whisper, “Hey, I think she needs a hug from you right now.”
Set expectations for both of you. A Dad who cannot stand the sight of blood is not going to be a good candidate for trying to catch his baby, or even cutting the umbilical cord. I’ve been hired more than once by families where Dad knew he couldn’t handle the sight of blood, and I was there to step in when he needed to step out. It worked because these conversations were had before hand and everyone knew what the expectations were.
Make sure he’s ready to advocate for you. You will be busy, you know, having a baby. So taking some time to learn how to ask questions and stand up for your preferences is essential. (Check out my free Advocacy Mini-Workbook for tips).
Hire a doula. (Yes I know it’s on here twice, but it’s really important). Doulas also keep an eye on Dad. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve said, “Hey man, you look really pale. Sit down and let me bring you some juice.” Sometimes, partners also need to be reminded to take care of themselves, and you will be busy and in no position to look out for him, nor should you.
Preparation really is key, from education to setting expectations to building a birth team suited to support you in your own unique birth journey. This is a big day for both of you, and having a support system in place to look out for you individually and as a couple can make all the difference in the world.
Christine Rogers is a birth doula and childbirth educator. She is the owner/operator of Draw Near Doula Services and serves in-person in Anchorage, Eagle River and the Mat-Su Valley regions of Alaska, and offers virtual doula services and education all over the United States. A mom of four, she works hard to ensure every client she serves has a positive and empowering labor experience, because no one should have to be afraid of birth. When not doula-ing, she’s a writer, baker, aspiring potter (as in bowls and vases, thank you very much), and her love languages are mason jars, dangly earrings, and Dr. Pepper.
Need a doula? Looking for childbirth education? Find Christine’s services online at www.drawneardoula.com. You can also follower her online on Instagram & Facebook: @drawneardoula .
