What If I can’t handle the pain of birth?

I hear this all the time. “I have a low pain tolerance” or “I know I’m not going to be able to do this.”

There are a couple of really well kept secrets about birth pain. One is that it is not constant. There are breaks between contractions, which allow you to regroup and catch your breath and prepare for the next one.

Secondly, your body is set up really well to help you manage. Your endorphins are natural painkillers, and things like position changes, tubs/showers, and movement can be extremely helpful.

But in the end, if you need medical pain relief, whether in the form of IV narcotics, Nitrous Oxide, or an epidural, that’s fine too. You have a box of tools all available to you, to utilize as you see fit, and pain management is one of those tools. Make sure you understand the risks and benefits of each option, how they could impact you and your labor, and then make the decision that works best for you. (Need help making a birth plan? Check out my free Birth Planning Checklist!)

Getting an epidural, or using any kind of medical pain management, is a morally neutral choice. There is no right or wrong, and anyone who tells you that there is a right or wrong answer is patently incorrect. If your sister in law or your next door neighbor or that annoying lady at the grocery store who insisted on rubbing your belly and giving you unsolicited birth advice had unmedicated labors, bully for them. They are not you, in your body, birthing your baby. In fact, no one since the dawn of time has ever birthed THIS baby in THIS body. There are a thousand factors that can come into play when making any kind of decision in birth and you have autonomy to make any decision that feels right to you in the moment.

You are also allowed to change your mind. If you go into birth with plans to be unmedicated, but pivot and decide to utilize pain management, you didn’t “cave” and you aren’t a “failure.” I had one person tell me sadly that they “couldn’t hack it” and I have such sadness/rage for anyone who is forced to feel this way. Because here’s the thing: it boils down to a shame issue, and that shame is external. It is other people telling someone that their decisions weren’t right or good enough, based on whatever nebulous and unrealistic criteria that they have pulled out of thin air.

Make the choices that work for you, that fit your situation, and it is nobody else’s business. If you need to message me the addresses of that pesky sister in law or next door neighbor so I can drop by and set them straight, I’m super happy to do so. I’ll gather all my other doula friends who feel the exact same way and we will ride at dawn.

Christine Rogers is a birth doula and childbirth educator. She is the owner/operator of Draw Near Doula Services and serves in-person in Anchorage, Eagle River and the Mat-Su Valley regions of Alaska, and offers virtual doula services and education all over the United States. A mom of four, she works hard to ensure every client she serves has a positive and empowering labor experience, because no one should have to be afraid of birth. When not doula-ing, she’s a writer, baker, aspiring potter (as in bowls and vases, thank you very much), and her love languages are mason jars, dangly earrings, and Dr. Pepper.

Need a doula? Looking for childbirth education? Find Christine’s services online at www.drawneardoula.com. You can also follower her online on Instagram & Facebook: @drawneardoula .